


let it happen

by fictionalparadises



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalparadises/pseuds/fictionalparadises
Summary: Cody meets Noel on a Thursday morning in October during an 8am lecture, and it all kind of goes downhill from there.
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 61
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> listen. i do not know how colleges in america work so. sorry in advance
> 
> if you have a favorite trope or cliche, its probably in here (i used them all.)  
> enjoy x

It’s just another Thursday morning when Cody is sitting in the lecture hall, wondering why he agreed to 8am classes while he’s rubbing his eyes furiously, trying to get the sleep out of them. Faintly, he hears the professor starting the class, but he’s too busy longing for the comfort of his still-warm bed.

Someone comes in two minutes late, but it’s the only the first month of the first semester, so the professor gestures for them to quickly sit down. Idiot—who’s late during the first week of college?

And then that someone stops in front of him and Cody looks up, meeting a pair of brown eyes.

“This seat taken?”

“No,” Cody shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter as the stranger sits down next to him.

“I’m Noel,” the stranger says.

“Cody,” he replies.

Cody meets Noel on a Thursday morning in October during an 8am lecture, and it all kind of goes downhill from there.

* * *

It starts off fine, really. They sit together during the lectures. Noel keeps borrowing Cody’s pens because he continuously forgets his own. 

The weeks creep by harrowingly slow. Cody becomes part of the swim team. Noel becomes friends with a dude with long hair (Spock, he finds out eventually) and a guy who calls himself Cash. A few days later, Noel stops sitting next to Cody and moves to the back of the lecture hall. 

Cody pretends it doesn’t sting—they weren’t even friends, really. He makes other friends—people from the swim team, people from other classes, someone he met at the cafeteria. And it’s fine. He still has Kelsey, and his roommates Sam and Devon. 

Cody doesn’t think about Noel anymore. Really. He doesn’t.

It’s not like he developed a minor crush while sitting next to him over the span of four weeks. It’s not like he thinks of the brown of Noel’s eyes when he’s laying in bed late at night. And it’s not like he wishes Noel would come along when he starts attending frat parties a few weeks later.

The parties aren’t anything special—there’s watered-down beer and cheap liquor, and Noel isn’t missing out. It’s just annoying that he’s stuck in Cody’s head, so Cody drinks until he starts thinking about other people instead. 

Maybe that’s where it goes wrong. When Cody’s drunk, his thoughts perpetually switch from _I like Noel’s face_ to _I hate Noel’s face with my entire heart_. 

He usually gets stuck on the latter. Someone asks about Noel in a conversation Cody overhears and maybe if he hadn’t been so focused on the _I hate him I hate him I hate him_ in his head, he would’ve thought twice about what he said to the people who are sitting next to him. 

The next morning is a series of drinking coffee, complaining about headaches and the brightness of the UV lights in the cafeteria and dredging up memories from the previous night. Devon laughs loudly after Cody merely grunts at the question if he kissed that one girl. The answer is that he can’t exactly remember, but it’s a lame one, so he just doesn’t reply. Devon deems that answer enough. 

“Come on, man, we gotta get to class,” Sam claps him on the back. 

Oh god. Cody _cannot_ sit through an entire lecture on programming right now—maybe he should just go back to his dorm, email his professor some rushed apology about migraines and sulk in bed for the rest of the day.

He follows after Sam and Devon, still deciding, when he’s suddenly pushed against the wall, the air knocked out of his lungs, his backpack pressing into his skin painfully. 

When Cody looks up, it’s right into a pair of brown eyes he wishes he didn’t recognize instantly. The fabric of his collar is fisted in Noel’s hands, his features distorted in fury.

Sam and Devon turn around at the sound of Cody’s back colliding with the wall and approach cautiously. 

“Hey, what the fuck, dude?” Devon calls out. 

Noel doesn’t look away. “What the _fuck_ did you say about me, man?” 

“W—what?” Cody stammers. When he thought about Noel pressing him against a wall, it wasn’t with rage in his eyes and his fist dangerously close to his face. 

“ _What?_ ” Noel mocks in a high-pitched tone, eyes blazing. “I don’t know what your fucking problem with me is or why you were talking shit about me last night, but if you do it again, I'll make sure you regret it.” 

The guy with long hair comes up behind Noel. “Yo, Noel, take it easy. Let’s just go.” 

Noel doesn’t turn around. He tightens his fists for a moment, then lets go and steps back. “Next time won’t be this fucking civilized.”

As they walk away, Cody hears Spock say, “Dude, I thought you were just going to talk to him.” 

“I fucking talked to him, didn’t I?” Noel snaps back. 

Cody watches them go with a stunned look on his face. He didn’t understand a single thing of what Noel said. Dread coils in his gut—or, well, maybe that’s something else.

He should _not_ feel the way he does when Noel practically told him he would beat him up next time. 

“What was that about?” Devon asks, frowning at him.

Cody shakes his head, staring at Noel’s back until he rounds the corner. “I have no idea. He said I was talking shit about him last night?”

Sam heaves a sigh.

“What?” Cody turns.

“I overheard some people talking today. About him. They said they heard from _someone else_ at the party last night,” a pointed look at Cody, “that Noel Miller slept with his science teacher to pass the class in high school.” 

For a moment, all Cody can do is stare. Then, “Why the _fuck_ would _I_ say that about him?” 

Sam shrugs. “Fuck if I know! You were _fried_ , man. We all say dumb shit when we’re drunk. Doesn’t mean it has to be taken literally.” 

It seems not everyone got that message. 

“Well, some people did, apparently.” Cody grumbles, and he can feel actual migraines coming up. “I’m going home. This day sucks and I’m not getting out of bed for the rest of it.” 

Devon rolls his eyes, and even though Cody knows it’s jokingly, it still stings. Sam promises to stop by later on with notes from the classes he’ll miss and pizza. 

As Cody walks across campus, the chilly fall air biting at his cheeks, in between the panicked _I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m_ _screwed_ in his head are also a few unwelcoming realizations: 

  1. Noel has never been so close to him before.
  2. Noel’s eyes aren’t entirely brown—there’s actually a bit of green around his irises. 
  3. Cody has never felt so turned on by someone in his life, ever.



He turns the last one over in his mind as he unlocks the door to his dorm, flings his keys on the counter and barely bothers to take off his backpack before he slings himself face-first on the bed. 

  1. He’s knee-deep in trouble. 



* * *

Over the next days, things turn back to normal. As normal as things can be, now that Noel has sworn himself Cody’s arch-nemesis and doesn’t hesitate to throw him under the bus whenever possible. 

Cody really thought that college would be different from high-school; no more petty rivalries, no more writing on the bathroom stalls, no more hierarchy. 

Okay, to be fair, only the first has survived the transition from prepubescents to adults. Still, it sucks big time.

Sam and Devon assure him it’ll be fine—in a few weeks, the whole ordeal will be forgotten. No one will remember the rumor of Noel sleeping with one of his old teachers, and no one will recall the way Cody is being ridiculed by Noel. He can only hope that it will go that way. 

Cody is sitting outside in the few spare minutes he has left before his next class, sunglasses on, enjoying the sun despite the cold. At the sound of someone sitting down next to him, he opens a single eye, but closes it again when he sees it’s Kelsey. 

“Hey,” he says. 

“He really hates you, doesn’t he?” She says by a way of greeting, crossing her legs on the wooden bench.

Cody turns to her, frowning. “Who?”

“Noel,” she answers, rooting through her bag. “Someone told me he was monologuing about his hatred for you to his friends, or something.”

“Jesus Christ,” Cody blows out a long breath. “I made one fucking mistake! Do you think he’s made it his mission to destroy my life now?”

Kelsey gives him a pointed look, then continues to look for something in her bag. “Of course not.” She freezes, and after a moment of consideration, adds, “Okay, maybe.”

“What? Why? What did he say about me?” 

She clears her throat. “Well… he kinda said that you knocked up a girl in high school.”

Cody chokes on his own spit and starts coughing loudly. Kelsey pats him on the back. _“What?”_

She throws her hands up in defense. “I don’t know either! But he came across as very convincing, so…”

“Kelsey, we went to high school _together!_ You fucking know I didn’t get someone pregnant!” 

She shrugs and at last retrieves a sandwich from her bag. “I didn’t even say anything! Chill,” she says defensively. “So how did this whole feud between you two start, anyways?” 

Finally catching his breath again, Cody leans back and sighs deeply. “I got absolutely shit-faced and said some stupid things about him. Then he decided to make me his sworn enemy, and voila.” 

Kelsey raises a single brow. “What kind of stupid things?”

Cody throws up his hands, exasperated. “Well—like, I don’t know. I think I said something about him sleeping with one of his high-school teachers.” When she doesn’t reply, he continues, “I was fucking drunk, okay! Not my fault that people believe the shit I’m saying when I’m in that state.” 

Kelsey lets out a laugh. “Cody,” she says solemnly, “you’re an idiot.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Thanks, very helpful! So what _should_ I do?” 

She puts down her sandwich, clasps her hands together and leans forward. “First things first,” she stars. “You are not getting that drunk anytime soon again, okay?”

He wasn’t really planning on it, anyways. 

“Secondly, you can’t let him walk over you like that. He spreads a rumor about you, you copy the move and double it. You just gotta… out-maneuver him. You’re Cody with the impossible-to-pronounce last name. Show him who’s the boss.”

After a moment of silence, Cody carefully says, “That doesn’t really seem like a good plan, if I’m honest.” 

Kelsey tries to contain her grin and picks up the sandwich again. “It’s not. But it’s fun—for me, at least.”

“Really fucking helpful,” Cody sighs. But at least it’s a plan. Going to the counselor wouldn’t do shit, not to mention that it’s boring. Noel already showed that he doesn’t shy away from playing dirty. 

Maybe it’s meant to be a joke, and they’ll laugh about this whole situation afterwards. Maybe Noel doesn’t truly hate him with every bone in his body. 

It’s settled, then. Two can play this game.

* * *

Two weeks pass. Devon and Sam keep telling him to ‘stop being so stuck up about it’ and to ‘just let it go’, but how can Cody possibly _let it go_ when Noel grins in that cocky way of his every time he walks past during a lecture, like he just knows how easily he gets under Cody’s skin. He’s arrogant and vain and big-headed and so fucking _breathtaking_. 

Cody goes weak in the knees when they lock eyes and Noel acts like Cody is no more than the dirt he walks on. It’s a hopeless case, really, and Cody spends most nights being angry with himself, pressing his face in his pillow and cursing himself out in his mind. 

Maybe he should reconcile, he thinks in those moments, but when he wakes up in the morning and sees the smug look on Noel’s face, he realizes there’s not a single chance in hell that he’s going to let him off that easy. 

That brings him to the millionth frat party of the year. Cody knows he should be sleeping, because he’s tired as shit and the midterms are coming up, but most guys from the swim team were going and Devon convinced him eventually. There’s booze and there’s music and—most surprisingly—there’s Noel. 

Cody’s mood plummets like the air pressure before a storm. 

He’s careful to move _around_ Noel for the entire night, as not to have to talk to him at any point. He’s not sure if that’s because he wouldn’t be able to function normally or because he’d start screaming uncontrollably at him. 

Only last week, someone came up to him and handed him a condom. “Precautions for next time,” they’d said. Cody had laughed in the moment, told them it was a good one, and threw it away a few minutes later. In reality, it had stung so badly that he’d nearly cried, and the memory was still fresh in his mind. 

Noel is standing in the living room, so Cody situates himself in the kitchen, where he can see if Noel moves, but not be it in a creepy manner. Sam hands him a drink and listens to his endless complaining.

“You _can_ go home if you’re not enjoying yourself,” Sam remarks and it’s annoying because he’s got a point, but if Cody goes home, then Noel scores another point and he can’t let that happen.

“That’s ridiculous—“ he starts, then cuts himself off as Noel makes direct eye contact with him. A taunting grin slowly appears on his face, and then he leans forward to kiss the girl in front of him, still staring directly at Cody. 

Cody feels his cheeks heat. There’s not enough air in this fucking house to breathe—he can’t feel his hands—

His eyes snap to Sam. Then he’s overthrown with anger, white-hot rage, because who the fuck does Noel think he is? He’s got a giant stick so far up his ass that it’s a surprise it doesn’t come out through his mouth. 

“Whatever you’re about to—” Sam begins, but Cody is already pushing through the groups of people, and the words fade in the clamoring of the crowd.

He doesn’t stop until he finds Kelsey, who he pulls from a stranger’s lap, and then it’s time for a little payback.

* * *

“You—you—” Sam is sitting across him, wide-eyed and completely astounded. Cody just wears a self-satisfied grin, arms folded on the cold table of the canteen. “You spread a rumor about Noel Miller that he filmed a _sex-tape?”_

Devon momentarily stops eating his lunch to give Cody an impressed look, and then he laughs loudly. “Genius.”

“I can’t believe I’m friends with a moron,” Sam mutters to himself. 

Cody rolls his eyes. “It’s just a joke. If he doesn’t get that, he’s the only moron around.” 

“If he beats you up for real this time,” Sam says resolutely, “I’m not coming to save your ass.” 

He hadn’t thought about that, but Noel wouldn’t sucker-punch him in the face, least of all in front of the entire school, would he? Right? 

“It’ll be fine,” Cody says as he gets up, though he’s not entirely certain if he’s trying to reassure Sam or himself. “The joke will end eventually.” 

He slings his backpack over one shoulder and leaves the campus café with a wave to his friends, walking towards the Research Center. 

It feels like one of those moments out of a movie: right as he enters the building, he spots Noel on the direct opposite end of the hallway. 

They lock eyes, both freezing in place, the rest of the students moving around the two of them. Slowly, the corners of Cody’s mouth quirk up. Noel looks angry—no, cross that. He looks _past_ angry, miles and miles past it. He’s livid. It seems he’s caught up to speed and they’re both on the same page now. 

Then Noel moves, and it’s almost like the crowd parts for him. 

Cody recalls the threat from last time and turns on his heel, leaving as fast as he entered, racing across campus, aiming straight for his dorm. Talking to his professor can wait until tomorrow. 

It’s not like he’s scared of Noel, because he’s not. That would be ridiculous. He would just rather not show up to class with a black eye tomorrow. He likes his face as it currently is, thank you very much. 

But maybe, _maybe_ , he thinks as he’s sitting at the kitchen counter, maybe he should clear up that it’s only a joke. Just to be safe. 

And yet—that means he’ll have to talk to Noel, and that’s not really an option either. He could make an attempt, but what most likely will happen is that all rationality and sense will fly straight from his vocabulary, he’ll say some really stupid shit and Noel will only hate him more for it. 

The sun slowly sinks behind the buildings towards the horizon, even though it’s not that late yet. Cody is so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn’t bother turning on a light.

In the dark, he mentally makes another list.

  1. He has to get over his crush on Noel (because, for very clear reasons, it’s the most irrational thing he has ever done).
  2. He has to end the joke. 
  3. Both these things can be done by keeping as much distance as possible.
  4. He has to keep as much distance as possible. 



Only when Cody can hear keys jingling outside the door, he turns on the light in the kitchen. Keeping distance—that should be easy enough. 


	2. Chapter 2

Cody is sitting in the library, pouring over a book about data structures because he has finals in a week and he keeps getting stuck on this one thing and he’s _this_ close to hurling his textbook against one of the shelves. 

A girl he vaguely recognizes from one of his classes sits down across of him and stares at him with a questioning look. He raises his brows. 

“Can I help you?” He slowly asks. 

“Depends,” she says, folding her hands and propping them up under her chin. “I heard you sell. How much?”

Cody looks at her in silence for a long moment, wondering what the hell she’s talking about. His phone buzzes next to his notebook and he briefly glances to the screen to read Kelsey’s message.

**Kelsey** | _1:27 pm  
_ he made his move

**Kelsey** | _1:27 pm  
_ apparently you sell drugs

**Kelsey** | _1:28 pm  
_ coke, specifically

Cody chokes out a startled laugh, surprising himself, because it’s not funny at all—no, he’s panicking, can feel the dread sinking in his stomach like a stone in water. 

Then his attention snaps back to the girl in front of him. “You think _I_ sell _drugs?_ ” He asks incredulously, remembering just in time that he’s in a library. 

She raises a single brow. “Yeah. That’s what I heard.”

_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck_

**Kelsey** | _1:29pm  
_ so what’s the next move? 

“What—Okay, just to be clear, I don’t sell drugs. Whoever told you I did, lied to you. Obviously.”

The girl rolls her eyes and heaves herself out of the chair. “Whatever.”

He watches her walk out of the library in a stunned silence. The door clicks in its lock, the sound making Cody snap out of his daze. 

His phone is pressed to his ear before he’s out of his chair and he listens feverishly to the dial tone as he stuffs his books into his bag with one hand. After the second ring, Kelsey’s familiar voice answers on the other side of the line. “What’s up?”

Cody feels like screaming. Or punching someone in the face. Or lighting something on fire.

If anyone from the school council hears about this stupid rumor, it could cost him his whole school career. The least they will do is take him off the swim team, and he’s been training really hard so he can become captain of the team next year, and the worst case scenario is—

“Yo, Cody?” 

He snaps out of it. “Yeah? Yeah, sorry. I just—Kelsey, I’m freaking the fuck out.”

“Breathe, okay?” There’s a faint shuffling in the background. “Where are you now?”

A frown deepens between Cody’s brows. “The library. I—what the _fuck_ ,” he whispers, more to himself than to her. 

“I’ll meet you at your dorm.” When he doesn’t reply, she says sharply, “It’ll be fine, Cody. Now get your ass moving.” 

They arrive at his dorm at the same time and Kelsey looks intimidating enough that Sam and Devon both wisely keep their mouths shut as they walk past the kitchen. The door slams loudly behind them. 

“I keep forgetting that _this_ is your dorm. If you can even call it a dorm anymore,” she starts.

“That’s because I share it with two other people,” Cody snaps, then turns back to her and immediately apologizes. It’s not like haven’t had this conversation a million times before, with Kelsey complaining about not being able to move into their apartment-like dorm and grumbling about her own shitty dorm (“You wouldn’t want to live with Devon and Sam anyways,” Cody usually says then, “they’re the worst fucking people to have as roommates.”).

“This got out of hand. A little.” Kelsey sits down on Cody’s bed. 

He’s too restless to follow her lead, and instead chooses to pace along the length of the room. “I’m fucked. This is totally fucked up. _Coke?_ If someone from the school council finds out—”

“No one from the school council is going to find out!” She interrupts him, giving him a pointed look. “There’s nothing to find out, anyways. Stop stressing out.”

He spins on his heel to look at Kelsey. “Yeah, but what if—”

“ _No_.” She says steadfastly, getting to her feet in a smooth movement and grabbing his wrists. “No what-ifs, okay? This is going to be fine.” Kelsey insists. 

Finally, Cody looks up to meet her gaze, and the calm in it makes his heart slow down to a normal rhythm again. 

“The joke is over. You just gotta take it easy for a few weeks, ignore that son of a bitch for a little longer than that and then things will be back to the usual. I promise.” 

Alright. A solid plan and easy to follow. He can do that. 

* * *

The next lecture he has with Noel is another 8 am. Cody is tired, stressed out because of multiple things at once, and he needs coffee even if it will make him more anxious than he already is. 

He ignores Noel for the entire lecture. No eye contact. No brief glances. Nothing. 

The only good thing that this rumor has brought forth is that Cody feels so angry that there’s no room for anything—hope for reconciliation, romantic feelings, whatever. Just anger. Somehow, it feels good. 

* * *

The midterms pass in a blur of sleep deprivation, anxiety and too much caffeine. 

Winter has stripped the trees bare and cleared out campus, the cold winds sending students home to celebrate Christmas with their families. The school grounds are eerily quiet without its usual residents. 

Cody’s bags lay half-packed on his bed, shirts and pants randomly tossed into it. He looks forward to going home, seeing his parents and his sister again, even though the barren cold doesn’t excite him as much. Just snow is fine—storms, not so much.

Devon’s flight has been cancelled due to a blizzard. He’s sulking in the living room, but Cody doesn’t think he actually minds that much, because he’ll have the apartment to himself for a few days before his rescheduled flight is supposed to be departing. There’s beer in the fridge and a few coupons for pizza stuck on one of the cabinet doors with a magnet. 

Sam has left this morning with a _‘see you in three weeks, fuckers’_ , a shit-eating grin on his face. 

Cody and Devon drink a beer and then Devon forces him to pack the last of his bags and go to bed, because he has to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow to catch his flight. 

When he’s walking towards the train station the next day, duffel bag slung over his right shoulder, he spots someone walking across campus who he thinks might be Noel, but then Cody decides that he shouldn’t care so he doesn’t. 

He shakes his head to himself and turns his gaze back ahead.

* * *

Cody gets home right before a snow storm hits. His sister hugs him so tight that it feels like she might’ve fractured one of his ribs. (He very clearly remembers a text that read; _I hate you, asshole_ . Apparently it translates to _I miss you, asshole_.)

He laughs at the irony of it, hugs her back just as tight and then ushers them both inside before their limbs turn blue. 

His mom makes him coffee with ground cinnamon—the smell reminds him so much of his childhood that it makes his chest unbearably tight—while he drops his bags in his old room and changes into warmer clothes. 

There are framed pictures on his dresser, posters stuck on a deep blue wall, timeworn bedsheets with red stripes. He’ll reminisce later on those things, artifacts of his teenage years, but that won’t be until the last few days here. 

Cody doesn’t want to think about that yet, so he dashes down the stairs and drinks coffee with his family while they ask him about university, if he’s made more friends than the ones he already had ( _“Moooom!”_ ), if he doesn’t get lost on the huge campus every single day. He tells them about the swim team, about Kelsey and her frolics, about Sam and Devon and the frat parties they attend—he downplays those, for the sake of his parents’ hearts. He doesn’t speak a word of Noel and the feud between them; he’s promised himself during the seven hour flight that winter break will be three Noel-free weeks. 

It works, surprisingly. The only time Noel’s name crosses his mind is during the first week, when Devon sends him an out-of-the-blue message. A quick calculation tells Cody that Devon’s supposed to leave tomorrow. 

**Devon** | _4:38 pm  
_ hey noel is still on campus too. you’re lucky you’re at home, asshole. 

**Devon** | _4:38 pm  
_ should I go beat him up for you?

**Cody** | _4:41 pm  
_ you wouldn’t win, so no

**Devon** | _4:42 pm  
_ you have little faith in me and it’s breaking my heart

Cody briefly wonders if Noel’s flight has been cancelled too or if he just chose not to go home. Then he reminds himself that it doesn’t matter and he sends a last message to Devon before he puts his phone away. 

He goes skiing with family, après-skiing with his sister which results in dragging each other up the stairs in the middle of the night, trying to stifle their laughs but unable to keep it in when he falls over. She pushes him up the last steps and into his bed and he’s still laughing minutes later as he waits for the ceiling to stop spinning. 

They share knowing looks the next morning, trying to hide the fact that they’re hungover as shit (despite their parents probably seeing right through it). There’s an endless supply of coffee with cinnamon and more pastries than he could possibly eat. 

Christmas is spent with the whole family and it’s good to see them again, though Cody is secretly glad when they’re all gone again. 

When he’s finally recovered from the massive headache New Year’s Eve left behind, he hugs his sister and father and kisses his mother on the cheek before he hops on a plane back to Durham. 

The last days of winter break vanish like snow in the sun, but it’s all good because Sam and Devon are back, too, and that makes the start of a new semester a bit more bearable. 

Kelsey comes knocking at their door at an unreasonably early hour—“my flight landed an hour ago, and I’m not going to wait until you assholes are awake”—and she’s brought a ridiculous shirt that says _I Love LA_ for Cody. He laughs until his chest hurts but promises that he’ll wear it to one of his classes soon, and they have breakfast together in the only on-campus cafe that’s opened already. 

“So are you ready for classes to start again?” Kelsey asks at one point. 

Cody nods, because even if it’s still halfway through the year, it feels like a new start all the same. “As ready as I’ll be.”

Noel is not on his mind until those damned 8 am lectures begin again. He walks in with that smug look on his face, listening to a story that Spock is telling so animatedly that his hair is moving along. 

Cody expected to feel angry again, but as his eyes briefly meet Noel’s, he feels a certain calm and acceptance. He turns back in his seat, focusing on the phone in his hand. 

He doesn’t see how Noel’s expression falls, or how Noel strains to fix his attention back on his friend. 

The professor begins the lecture. Cody can feel his eyelids drooping and he slumps back in his seat.

“We have a new project coming up,” the professor says, turning to the next slide. “You’ll be working in duos, I’ve put the list up online. Yes, I made the duos and no, they’re non-negotiable.”

There’s a rustle of clothes as everyone rushes to open their laptop. That shakes Cody awake and he leans over to the guy who sits next to him—god, what was his name again?—to look at the list with names. 

His eyes scan the page and his heart stutters when he finally lands on his name. 

_Cody Kolodziejzyk — Noel Miller_

He shifts in his seat, just in time to see the realization creep in on Noel, his face twisting in resentment. Noel’s eyes find his. 

Oh, he’s so screwed. 


	3. Chapter 3

Cody is freaking out. He has to do a project with Noel fucking Miller.

He glares at his professor—the guy must’ve known because it is in no way a coincidence that he’s been paired up with his arch-enemy, the _one_ person in this entire hall that he cannot stand to be near.

He grabs his phone to tell Kelsey, or Sam, or Devon (even if the latter will probably laugh until he’s out of breath, then clap him on the back with a  _ that sucks, man _ and go on with his own business) but Cody realizes that Noel sits a few rows behind him and most likely will be able to see if he types whole essays in a frenzy. 

Not wanting to give him that satisfaction, he breathes in deeply and puts his phone down. 

The minutes tick by in slow-motion. At last, a buzzer echoes through the hall, followed by the sound of people hurriedly packing their bags. 

Cody lingers and when most students have left, he walks up to his professor and clears his throat. “I was just wondering, uhm… the person I’ve been partnered up with—”

The man looks up with raised brows, momentarily stopping with gathering the notes on the desk. “Yeah?”

“Uh, well, we don’t really work great together. Or, at all, for that matter.”

Someone comes up to stand behind him. “Yeah,” Noel adds on. “Putting us together for a project would be a disaster.”

The professor straightens and folds his arms. “You’re going to have work together with people you hate all your life, so consider this a lesson in a lesson.” Cody opens his mouth to say something—what, exactly, he doesn’t know—but the professor beats him to it. “Maybe you’ll even stop hating each other in the process, eh?” He slaps Cody on the back, the message clear—no switching partners, conversation over.

They leave the lecture hall in a defeated and tense silence. Cody racks his brain trying to come up with something to say. 

He could go with  _ listen, I’m sorry about everything, but it’s all in the past now, let’s just do this project and get it over with _ . But what he really wants to say is  _ what the fuck you fucking asshole, I can’t believe you spread rumors about me dealing fucking coke and getting a girl fucking pregnant and I fucking hate you forever. _ That’s not really something he feels like he should say, considering he does have to do this project with the one and only Noel Miller, so instead he just keeps his mouth shut. 

After a minute of awkward silence, Noel inhales sharply. “This fucking sucks.” 

Cody lets out a humorless laugh. 

“We’ll split the project in half, I do my part, you do yours. Simple as that, okay.”

Before Cody can so much as breathe, let alone reply, Noel turns into a different corridor. Cody watches him walk all the way to the exit and only starts moving again when he’s disappeared through one of the blue doors to the library. 

The words  _ but we don’t even know what the project is yet  _ are stuck on his tongue, and he lets them dissolve like sugar in water. 

This just feels like one big joke. If there is someone up there, they must be laughing so hard that the tears are streaming down their face.

And indeed, as Cody walks back to his dorm, it starts raining. 

* * *

Devon reacts as expected. Sam and Kelsey try to remain serious, but end up laughing too. 

It works as a fever—eventually, Cody starts laughing as well, until his stomach hurts and the tears jump in his eyes. It’s that moment where you’re panicking so hard that the whole situation just ends up being hilarious. It almost feels like your body’s last burst of energy before it shuts down completely. 

The next 8 am is on Thursday, during which both Cody and Noel stubbornly ignore each other. He can feel his mood worsening, each word his professor speaks worse than the previous. 

They have to develop software—at least, an outline for it, because it’s impossible to fully design it. Okay, not the worst, except that you have to actually do it with your partner and that it’s not just some project you can divide in two to say,  _ you’ll do this and I’ll do that and we won’t have to see each other at any point during. _

They’ll have a total of nine weeks for the project. That means Cody will have to work  _ with _ Noel for more than half the semester instead of working  _ against _ him. 

When Cody’s last lecture ends on Friday afternoon, he’s determined to drink away the stress that night. The New Year’s Eve parties are still in full swing (don’t mind the fact that it’s already the end of the second week of January) and there’s a Winter Festival downtown.

But when he reaches his dorm, Sam and Devon already there talking about the festival, he’s mainly tired and the sight of his bed shoves all plans for later out the door. 

They try to convince him (“Come on, it’ll be fun.” “You look like you could use a beer, man. Or a joint.” “I’ll pay for drinks.”  _ Ha, like Sam has enough money to pay for two beers _ .)

They give up eventually. Cody gets a stream of angry messages from Kelsey barely twenty minutes later, cussing him out for abandoning her with swear words so creative he wonders if she invented them just now. He knows she’s not really mad, because there’s one message in between the string of curses asking him if he’s okay. 

_ Will be _ , Cody replies _ , just need a night for myself. Have fun tonight _ .  _ But not too much fun.  
  
_

**Kelsey** | _10:11 pm_  
how could I  
  


**Kelsey** | _10:11 pm_  
you’re not here, asshole  
  


**Kelsey** | _10:11 pm_  
love you, though  
  


That makes him smile. He flings his phone on his bed and goes to the kitchen to grab some food, only to find out the only thing they have is milk (overdue) and leftover pizza (Cody’s not sure if he wants to know what the white-and-green spot on top is). He heaves a sigh, shoves his feet in his slides, attempts to straighten out his hair in the mirror and grabs his keys. 

There’s only one store open at this hour. It starts raining lightly on the way there, and once he’s inside, he blinks against the bright fluorescent lights and takes off his glasses to clean them. 

Cody casually bops his head along the tune that plays as he strolls through the aisles, grabbing some sour patch kids and diet coke from the shelves.

The store is not as abandoned as he thought. When he deems he has enough food to last the night, he makes his way to the register, where—of-fucking-course—a familiar guy is already standing, paying for a pack of M&M’s and a bag of Doritos. 

Cody stops in his tracks and Noel looks up, catching the movement in the corner of his eye. His expression falls. 

“Uh…” Cody stammers, because he’s not sure what to say. 

Noel stares at him for a second. “I didn’t know you had—” he begins, then cuts himself off, eyes widening, almost as if he startled himself by saying something he didn’t mean to. He clears his throat, takes the change the cashier hands him, then hurries out the store before Cody can say another word.

Cody watches dumbfounded until Noel’s silhouette has blended into the darkness of the night. 

It’s stopped raining when he walks back to his dorm. He lays in his bed a few minutes later, buried under a ton of blankets against the cold that threatens to seep in through the window. There’s a Netflix show playing on the tv, but it’s become a background noise as Cody tries to sort his thoughts. 

Another list, then:

  1. Noel’s eyes were red (and not the _I-just-smoked-three-joints-and-I’m-high-off-my-ass_ kind of red, more like the _I-bawled-my-eyes-out-on-the-way-here_ type of red. That’s a verdict Cody isn’t sure what to do with).
  2. Noel said something relatively normal to him.
  3. Noel seemed embarrassed that he said something normal to him. 



And the last is what he concludes right before he falls asleep to the sound of Andy Samberg’s voice;

  1. Noel looked sad and in desperate need of a hug.



* * *

He goes to the mall with Kelsey and Sam on Saturday, of whom both are hungover as shit, buys a new hoodie and sits at Starbucks because his friends are tired. Kelsey makes him order a caramel macchiato, which he first objects to, but then she points out that he doesn’t refuse to drink cinnamon in his coffee so why wouldn’t he try caramel, and then it’s not as bad as he expected, though it feels like the height of white people to sit there with the Starbucks cup in his hand, drinking a caramel macchiato (“You should’ve tried the pumpkin spice latte back in October,” Kelsey says. “Over my dead body,” is his reply). 

He dedicates his entire Sunday to school. He works until he has a headache and when he looks outside, it’s dark. He spends the remainder of the night mentally preparing for the 8 am lecture. 

In the bleak morning light, his backpack a heavy weight on his shoulder, he goes to war. 


	4. Chapter 4

The first time Noel and Cody meet up is a disaster. They sit in the library, the tension tangible in the air. 

After half an hour of barely talking, Cody sighs for what feels like the thousandth time and leans back in his chair. “This isn’t working.” 

Noel looks up from the textbook he’d been skimming and raises his brows.

“We can’t finish a project if we can’t have a normal fucking conversation that lasts longer than three complete sentences,” Cody starts, eyes trailing one of the shelves on his right before they land on Noel again. “I call a truce.” 

Cody holds out his hand. Noel looks at it like it’s the first time he’s ever seen one. For a brief moment, he thinks Noel isn’t going to accept, and he wonders what he should do in that case. Then Noel’s hand grasps his. 

“Alright,” he says.

And that’s it, nothing more. _Alright_. 

The second time Noel and Cody meet up, it’s a little less a disaster. 

* * *

“So you stopped hating him?” Kelsey asks disbelievingly, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of whatever-the-fuck (Cody forgot the name of the drink as soon as she’d ordered it).

“No. Well, I—I don’t know. I don’t hate him. I think.” 

“And he stopped hating you?”

Cody frowns at that. He’s silent for a long moment, because he doesn’t really have an answer. “I don’t think so?” 

“You can’t answer a question with a question, Cody.” 

Truth is that three weeks have passed, and that it no longer feels extremely awkward to sit in the library with Noel. Sometimes there’s a tense moment, but Cody calls it progress nonetheless. They’ve finished a concept and started on the first version of their final product. 

Cody hasn’t fully decided whether it’s a good or a bad thing, because Noel will undoubtedly go back to hating him with every bone in his body after they’ve finished the project, but Cody has come to the realization that Noel isn’t the worst person to be around. 

He makes jokes that are so well-timed that Cody has to remind himself not to laugh too hard. He remembers that there was a time when they sat next to each other during their 8 am lectures, but that feels like a lifetime ago. It feels like it didn’t happen at all.

Sometimes he catches Noel staring, and that makes him nervous. He pretends to be engrossed in one of the essays before him in those moments, and hopes that Noel doesn’t notice the flush in his cheeks. 

Spock has joined them in the library a few times, and in the beginning, Cody wondered why he was there, since he sure as hell doesn’t seem like the type who would read a book willingly (if someone held a gun next to his head and said, “Read this book or I’ll shoot,” he’d probably reply “No.”). But after a while, his presence becomes a familiar thing, and Cody likes Spock more than he’s willing to admit. 

He doesn’t really know Cash, but from the stories he hears, he seems like a cool guy. During those moments, Cody pities the fact that Noel hates him. 

“He probably still hates me,” he tells Kelsey. She laughs and shakes her head, and he’s not sure if it’s because she thinks it’s funny or because she thinks it’s not true. 

He doesn’t want to know. 

* * *

The library becomes their usual meet-up spot. They work together remarkably well, which surprises Cody, because he didn’t think that Noel and him were alike in any way at all. It’s like they share a piece of the same mind—whenever Cody comes up with the fundamentals of an idea, Noel tirelessly adds onto it until it’s become a whole, clear picture. 

It’s a Thursday night. The library is practically deserted at this hour, but the second version has to be turned in before twelve midnight. 

Noel is telling a story about a club he went to a few weeks back as they work, a silence falling every now and then when Noel writes something down, the clicking of Cody’s keyboard and the scribbling of pen on paper the only sounds. 

“Yeah, no, that shit was ass, actually weird as fuck, I’m telling you—” 

There’s a loud clang somewhere outside the building and Noel stops talking mid-sentence, both of them turning to one of the windows at the same time. 

“What—” Cody begins, but then stops talking, too, when the lights go out. 

Not just the lights in the library—the lights outside are off, too. 

“A power outage,” Cody grumbles. “Fucking great.” 

It’s pitch-black, inside and outside. Far behind campus, a few tiny lights twinkle on the horizon, which is probably downtown Durham. The moment stretches on, and Cody can hear absolute silence as they’re surrounded by the dark and quiet. 

Then a faint light flickers on inside. It has a strange, greenish glow—must be the backup generator—and barely lights up the way to the exit, but at least he can distinguish Noel in the dark. 

Cody sighs deeply and opens his mouth to say something when he notices Noel’s ragged, fast breathing, the white of his eyes visible and turned a sickly, phantom green by the light. “You good?” He asks, a frown deepening between his brows. Noel doesn’t reply. His hands are balled in fists on the table. 

Nope, he’s definitely not _good_. 

“Noel, man—” Cody gets to his feet, almost knocking back his chair. A panic attack—Cody is familiar with them, used to get those a lot in high school, but he never had them when other people were around, so what the _fuck_ is he supposed to do to help? “Oh, fuck,” he curses, walking around Noel to pull his chair back. “Come on, let’s sit somewhere else,” Cody pulls Noel to his feet, which somehow works, even if Noel seems not to notice what happens around him. 

Why the fuck is Noel heavier than he looks and why the fuck is he not walking with his own two feet (Cody slowly sorts through every curse word in his vocabulary as he drags Noel to the window, and there are more than he thought: _Assbag. Fuckwad. Shit dick_.)

Noel stumbles onto the bench in front of the window. Cody’s eyes flicker to their reflection in the glass before he turns his back to it and crouches in front of Noel. 

Noel is looking at him now, eyes wide and panicked. 

“It’s okay,” Cody whispers and he wants to hit himself in the head because it is the lamest thing to possibly say to someone who’s having a goddamn panic attack. “Uh,” he stammers, desperately trying to come up with a story to tell. “Do you remember the first day of college? You, uh, you came in a few minutes late. And the first thing I thought when I saw you come in was, _what an idiot_.” 

Noel’s breathing slows, but only a fraction. Briefly, the idea of kissing him sparks through Cody’s mind, and he winces to himself. He’d read it in a book somewhere—a technique to take their mind off the panic—but it was fiction and if he’d kiss Noel, the only thing he’d get is punched square in the jaw.

So instead, Cody grabs Noel’s hands and squeezes. Noel’s eyes track Cody’s face, his cheeks turning crimson, and he wants to say that he shouldn’t feel embarrassed for having an anxiety attack, that he understands. _Lame_ , it echoes in the back off his head. 

Hastily, Cody continues, “I mean, who’s late on the first day of school? The first day of the first semester of the first year. And then you came to sit next to me, surprise surprise, and you turned out to be the exact idiot I thought you to be. But you were also funny, and social, and smart, and I was actually really glad that you came in late that day, because—”

Cody stops talking when Noel gently squeezes back. His eyes snap up. Noel’s breath has slowly returned back to normal. 

And he looks absolutely mortified to have unwillingly shared this experience with his arch-nemesis. 

“I _don’t_ sell coke,” Cody blurts.

At that, Noel chokes out a laugh, the sound rumbling through Cody’s chest. They stare at each other for a too-long moment, listening to each other’s even breathing, and it feels like an enchantment. Cody couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.

The lights flick back on with the hum of electricity zipping through the air. 

Noel shifts on the bench, letting go of their joined hands, breaking the spell. “I—I should go,” he rasps, voice low and rough, like the grind of stone on stone. 

Cody shoots to his feet. “Yeah,” he stammers, “yeah, we should go, it’s late.” 

When he walks home, the place where Noel’s hands touched his are burning on his skin. He locks the door behind him and leans his back against the wood. 

  1. Noel’s hands are really soft.
  2. Cody absolutely, positively doesn’t hate Noel anymore.
  3. He really wants to hold Noel’s hands again. 
  4. If he thought he was screwed before, it’s nothing compared to how fucked he is now.



* * *

Noel avoids Cody for nearly a week. They work on the project individually as they wait for their professor’s feedback. 

Valentine’s Day arrives and departs without leaving any messages. Even if he didn’t expect anything, there’s still a lingering sense of disappointment that’s settled in his stomach.

Kelsey loops her arm through his and drags him to a party, feeding him drinks until he can’t separate up from down anymore. 

The alcohol leaves a strange aftertaste in his mouth and he drinks until he forgets how to walk. Somewhere along the way, a blessing and a curse, he forgets what Noel’s face looks like, too. 


	5. Chapter 5

February turns to March. Winter slowly makes place for Spring, bleak skies change to watery rays of sunshine. 

The last weeks of the project pass as they race to meet deadlines. There’s an on-campus cafe that’s opened 24/7, and they trade the familiarity of the library for the quiet clinking of ceramic mugs and an endless supply of coffee (Cody finds out caffeine makes Noel anxious, and he’s cut it out entirely). 

They pull all-nighters together, watching from behind the huge window as the sky slowly brightens. Some days it’s grim and somber, the clouds a mass of grey, and those days feel gloomy before they’ve even really started. Other days, the sky lights up to a brilliant blue, the sun welcoming, and then Cody feels great because Noel is sitting across of him, brows furrowed in concentration, and occasionally their knees bump together under the table. He sneaks glances from behind his laptop, cheeks burning when Noel looks up from his own screen, embarrassed to be caught, but Noel’s eyes always glimmer with amusement. 

On the last day before the deadline, sleep-deprivation making them both weary and overworked, they go over everything one last time. 

Cody scooches over so they can both sit on the bench, shoulders and thighs pressed together as Noel jots down notes on the printed-out essay before them. It’s an effort of will not to stare at his face.

Noel goes to the toilets and Cody stretches as he orders a caramel macchiato (Noel’s made endless fun of him for it—blame Kelsey) and a decaf cappuccino. The sky lights up; soft blue, cloudless, sunshine casting shadows on the street. 

He should feel happy. That’s the mood that belongs to this weather. 

But as Noel sits down next to him again, a grin on his face as he takes a sip of the scalding coffee, all Cody feels is sorrow.

* * *

They turn the project in together: a neatly printed booklet, placed perfectly on top of the stack that’s already laying on the desk, and Noel lets out an elated shout as they leave the lecture hall. 

Cody grins. It feels like a victory to have finished this assignment, but he can’t deny that beside the triumph, there’s also a sort of emptiness and melancholy. 

Whether he wants to admit it or not, he’s come to enjoy spending time with Noel. He hopes that not all of it has come to its end now, like the last chapter of a book finished. 

“We did it, man,” Noel says, that idiotic grin of his able to defeat the sun. 

“Without chopping each other’s heads off,” Cody adds dryly. “So what’s the plan now?” In other words, _is the truce over, will we go back to hating each other, or is this whole feud over?_

Noel lets out a long sigh and stretches his arms behind his head. “I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna sleep for three fucking days straight.” 

Cody lets out a laugh and hopes it comes across as convincing. “Not a bad idea.” 

Noel nudges him with his elbow, gives him a wink as he grabs the straps of his backpack and says, right before he walks away, “I’ll see you ‘round, yeah?” 

Cody’s smile falters, but Noel’s off already and doesn’t see the blush creeping onto his cheeks. Not a definite answer—but a promise.

He manages to drag himself to his dorm, passes Sam in the hallway (“Where you going?” “Sleep.” “It’s nine in the morning _.” Yeah, and I slept around five hours total the past three days, bitch_ ) and nearly trips at the sight of his bed. 

But despite the exhaustion, it takes him a long while to fall asleep.

* * *

Life continues like nothing has fundamentally changed within Cody. March turns to April, the temperatures climb with each day that passes. Spring is in full swing now, campus slowly coming back to life. 

Cody is glad that summer is slowly coming into view, but spring’s coming means—beside the good moods, warm weather, pretty views and lively parties—finals are approaching, too. 

Frat parties are held so often that Cody loses count of how many he attends, some with Kelsey, some with Devon and Sam, some with all three. The bitter aftertaste of cheap beer has permanently stained his mouth, but he enjoys the parties all the same. 

He talks to Noel regularly. Walking to class together, waving from the other side of the corridor, that kind of stuff. He regrets not having the guts to ask him to hang out. 

It’s a Friday night. Kelsey dragged him to this stupid frat party (though he’d be lying if he says he didn’t go willingly) and then she abandoned him for one of her flings, which is the reason that he’s standing in the backyard, caught up in a conversation about one of the Physics professors, who’s apparently slept with one of her students. Cody’s not sure whether to believe what everyone is saying (he learned that the hard way). 

He recognizes a few guys from the swim team, of whom one presses a cup of lukewarm beer in his hands, and a girl shuffles closer to him. She strikes up a conversation fairly smooth, and he’s impressed. Or maybe it’s just the first of the alcohol reaching his head. 

Cody thinks he hears glass breaking inside the house, but it’s swallowed by the music pumping through the air.

Then suddenly Kelsey is there, wide-eyed, her cheeks flushed from the drinks she’s undoubtedly had, and she pulls on his shoulder. “Noel,” she pants, sounding slightly out of breath. 

“What?” Cody’s brows furrow together. What the fuck does Noel has to do with all this? Has she come running all this way here to tell him Noel is here?

“He’s here,” she breathes, “and he’s ravaging the house.” 

_What the fuck._

He throws an apologetic glance to the girl he was talking to before he follows Kelsey inside. “What happened?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure.” She shakes her head. “He arrived like an hour ago, everything was fine and then he got into it with some guy. They’re fucking destroying the place.” 

If they’re destroying both the place and each other’s faces, what in actual _fuck_ is he supposed to do about it? Cody’s part of the swim team—he’s not some fucking bodybuilder. Noel could dropkick him and he’d probably go knock out. 

They arrive just in time to see Noel and some guy Cody doesn’t know get pulled apart. Cody pushes through the crowd that has gathered to watch. 

Noel has a split lip. There’s a bruise forming on his cheekbone, a blend of purple and blue. He looks breathtaking in the brutality of it, and Cody quickly shuts out those thoughts. 

The guy looks worse—black eye, a cut on his chin that’s bleeding onto his shirt. One of his friends grabs him by the shoulders and talks some sense into him. He seems to calm down after that. 

But Noel—oh, Noel is far from done. Cody can see the glint in his eye, knows it means bad news. He pulls free from whoever was holding him, shaking out his arms as though he’s done.

For a moment, Cody believes it.

Then Noel turns around and smashes a vase on the ground. The ceramic shatters, a thousands pieces scattered on the ground. 

He’s yelling something inaudible, and then suddenly everyone is yelling. Some people are staring, aghast and dumbfounded, others are shouting at each other. No one stops Noel as he grabs the side table with both hands and hauls it to the ground, the picture frames on top coming along too. 

Where the fuck are Cash and Spock? Did he come alone?

 _He’d destroy the whole house if he could,_ Cody thinks with a shock, _and he’d do it with his bare hands_ . Whatever he smoked earlier, it did _not_ give him the high he was looking for. 

Someone should stop him. Still, no one moves. They’re all just watching as Noel makes a fool of himself, a few phones pointed to him. 

He could get kicked out of college for this. 

Cody reaches Noel before he can really think it through and puts his hand on Noel’s shoulder. 

Noel whirls around at the touch, fist halting mid-air at the sight of Cody. The anger in his eyes wavers but doesn’t entirely fade. “Cody?”

 _Oh, he’s in it deep_. “Yeah, it’s me. What’re you doing, hm?” He tries to come off as reassuring, but as Noel’s hands ball around Cody’s collar, crumpling the fabric, his voice shakes a little. Noel leans heavily on him.

“What—what are you doing here?” The words are a little slurred, like it’s hard for him to speak.

“What are _you_ doing here, you idiot? You’re making a show of yourself,” Cody says, stepping a little closer for support as Noel nearly stumbles. “Come on, let’s go outside for a minute, okay?” 

Noel shakes his head, protesting as Cody leads him outside. “No. Bathroom.” 

They reach the ground floor bathroom just in time. Cody has barely shooed out the people making out before Noel crumples to the floor and starts throwing up loudly. 

“You missed the fucking toilet,” Cody grits out, but he’s not really angry because there’s a mix of hatred and despair on Noel’s face. He sits him upright against the wall, cleans the vomit (God, _what_ is that smell?) and crouches in front of Noel. He carefully cleans some of the blood off his face with a wet towel. 

“Hey.” He says. Noel looks for all the world like he’s fallen asleep, and Cody feels a twinge of guilt as he takes a moment to stare at his face. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen it from up so close, and even in the orange glow of the bathroom light, Noel is ridiculously and unreasonably beautiful. 

A Tame Impala song starts playing in the living room (thank you Kelsey), the bass reverberating through the walls. 

“Hey,” Cody says again, “Open your eyes.” His heart skips a beat— _keep it together, for fuck’s sake_ —and he shakes his head to himself.

“What?” Noel asks slowly, blinking up at him. “Why’re you shakin’ your head like that?” 

“Nothing.” Cody withholds a smile. “Where is Spock? Or Cash?” 

Noel mutters an inaudible reply, which he takes as _, they’re not here._

“Can you walk?” 

“Fuck you,” Noel spits out, smacking Cody’s hand away. “Of course I can walk.” But he doesn’t object as Cody hooks his arm around his shoulder for support.

Cody looks around the living room for Kelsey and decides he’ll text her, then drags Noel along as they leave the house. They’re barely out the street when Cody realizes he doesn’t know where Noel’s dorm is. It’s hopeless to ask:

“Where’s your dorm, Noel?”

“Right here.”

“No, I mean, what building?” 

“Building? I don’t remember.” A frown. “Building A. No, F. Wait no—"

It goes on like that for a long time. With a defeated sigh, Cody decides to take him to his dorm, instead. 

It’s still warm outside, so the long walk isn’t that bad, except for the fact that it feels like Cody is lifting a dead horse. 

“Are you even fucking walking?” He snaps, clenching his jaw in concentration as not to let them both topple to the ground. 

“Stop whining,” Noel slurs, laughing hysterically at Cody’s offended expression. It’s a rich sound, echoing through the empty night, and it’s a strange, enchanting realization that only he can hear it, right here, right now. 

“I hate you.” A lie if there ever was one.

Still, Noel’s smile fades. “You hate me?” 

The door beeps as Cody smashes his keycard against it, then opens. “More than anyone else on this earth,” Cody tells him as he drags him into the elevator. “I hate you so much that sometimes I can’t think straight because of it.” 

Noel is quiet after that. He collapses onto Cody’s bed with a grunt, face smushed into the pillow. 

Cody turns a chair around and sits down on it backwards, chin leaning on the backrest. “If you throw up all over my bed,” he says, “you’re gonna clean it yourself tomorrow.” 

Noel turns his face far enough to reply, “I won’t.” 

“What? Clean it or throw up?”

“Both.”

He rolls his eyes. Now that he’s sacrificed his bed to Noel, he wonders where he’s going to sleep. 

The happenings of the night play back in his mind like a movie. Noel swinging at the boy with blond hair. Cleaning the blood off his face. Feet dragging across the still-warm pavement to get the two of them home. 

“What happened earlier?” 

Noel opens a single eye. “Hm?”

“Why’d you get into a fight?”

Cody thinks he’s not going to get a reply, but then Noel turns on his side to face him. His pupils are still blown, but his eyes are a bit clearer than before. “Shitty night.” 

He almost lets out a laugh. Noel got into a fight because he had a shitty night? Hell, if Cody started swinging every time he felt moody, he’d be a gods-damned MMA fighter by now. 

“Problems back home,” Noel adds. “’s not good, man.” 

A dozen questions bubble up, but Cody refrains from asking them. It already feels special that Noel chose to share something so personal with him. 

There’s a long silence. Cody is turning over his thoughts, his mind reeling from the past two hours.

Then Noel asks, “Do you really hate me?” And he sounds _vulnerable_ —insecure, even. Cody stares at him, Noel Miller with his closed eyes and kissable lips and soft-looking face.

“No,” Cody whispers. “I hate that you make me feel things I don’t want to feel. But I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

Noel’s chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. Cody watches for a moment before he leaves the room. 

If someone told him Noel would be laying in his bed, half-passed out after throwing a tantrum and vomiting all over someone else’s bathroom floor, he wouldn’t have believed it.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Noel comes out of Cody’s room looking disheveled and rumpled. “Morning,” he says, voice thick with sleep.

Cody looks up from the kitchen table, laying down his pen. “Hey.” 

It’s not as awkward as he would’ve expected. They talk little about last night while they have breakfast together. Cody doesn’t have decaf so he makes Noel tea (he's not a big fan, but he still smiles to himself when Cody isn't looking, because it's the thought that counts), and Noel asks what time it is. 

“I missed the 8 am?” 

“Yeah. I went, though, and you missed nothing.” 

“You could’ve woken me up, man.” Noel says quietly.

Cody shrugs. “You looked really tired so I thought I’d let you sleep for a little longer. Besides, Sam and Devon aren’t home, so you’re not bothering anyone.” 

Noel doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but doesn’t say anything as he stares at his cup like he’ll be able to drown in it. Cody types something on his laptop, fingers clicking on the keyboard. 

“About last night…” Noel hesitates, stubbornly keeping his gaze on his mug. “I’m really sorry. You didn’t need to help—”

“Noel.” 

Slowly, he tears his gaze off the cup to look directly at Cody. 

“It’s nothing. I didn’t mind.”

“Yeah, but I feel really shitty about—”

“You had a rough night. Doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone.” That seems to shut him up.

At last, Noel croaks out, “Thank you, Cody.” Cody gives him a small smile in return. 

And before Noel leaves the dorm to go to his own, he gives Cody a hug, quick and over before he knows it, but the gesture means more than Cody is willing to admit.

There’s an idiotic bright grin on his face for the rest of the day.

* * *

Finals arrive, and shortly after, summer break. 

Spring finals feel like the last mile of a marathon. Cody spends hours upon hours in the library, skipping swimming practice to get in extra minutes of work. Some days Noel joins him, bringing coffee and pastries even if eating in the library is prohibited. Even if they barely talk during those study sessions, it’s nice to have company, and it’s especially nice to have Noel’s company. 

Other days, Kelsey helps to memorize words and formulas, her laughter like a song that lights up the room. 

And then the year is over. Cody finishes his finals and passes the year with grades he’s more than proud of (looks like the lost hours of sleep paid off, after all). He stays on campus for ten more days, packs his stuff and finishes up a few last things. Parties are in full swing the first week; the second week, campus is considerably emptier than before. 

Devon has left already, as has Kelsey. Cody spends many mornings with Noel (he finally finds out where his dorm is; building E. Noel wasn’t even close that night), getting through hangovers together. The prickly mood vanishes when Noel cracks another joke. He always laughs hardest at his own jokes, and Cody can do nothing but watch in admiration and maybe adoration, as well. 

“I’ll see you in August, man!” Cody says as Noel claps him on the back. “Don’t have too much fun without me!” 

Noel leans against the doorpost of his dorm, arms folded in front of his chest. “I definitely will, dipshit.” He’s been vague about his plans for summer break. Cody’s made him promise to send at least four pictures over the span of two months, which should be doable. 

He walks backwards toward the elevator, shouting swear words back and forth until he reaches the corner. With one last wave, he slips into the hallway. When he’s outside, his eyes scan the countless windows until they land on one with movement behind them. Noel waves until he’s out of view.

Cody is going home for a few weeks. Then he’s going to Brazil with Sam and Devon, which is probably the stupidest idea they’ve ever had, but he’s actually really excited to go. 

Again and again, he wonders what Noel is going to do (it didn’t go further than; “Yeah, I’m going to travel for a bit.” “Europe, probably.” “Nah, just gonna relax for a while, I think.”) and he hopes that he’s resolved those problems at home. Two months is a long time to spend at campus, or abroad, or wherever the fuck Noel might be going. 

As he waits in line to board his plane, he promises himself to not worry about Noel. It’s summer break, and he’s going to enjoy the next weeks to the fullest.

* * *

Calgary welcomes him with open arms. He spends the first weeks at home, meeting up with old high-school friends, going out and stumbling to his room as quietly as possible at four in the morning. 

Kelsey texts and calls him non-stop, asking for advice on this guy she likes (“But, like, is it even a good plan to start dating someone now? I’m going back to Durham in August and then it’s bye-bye relationship.” “Kelsey, I’m probably the worst person on earth to ask for relationship advice.”) and she eventually decides there’s no harm in hooking up with him. She makes him swear to get laid at least once on the trip to Rio (“But _don’t_ get STD’s. And don’t fall in love with them. And use condoms—") to which he rolls his eyes because he’s not _that_ lame and outdated. 

He makes daytrips with his sister and meets her boyfriend, Paul. His mother teases him endlessly about when _he’s_ going to bring a girlfriend home, and his own mind betrays him by thinking about Noel whenever she does. 

Then he’s off to Rio de Janeiro with Sam and Devon. They get drunk on caipirinhas before noon, terrorizing the pool which eventually gets them kicked out, so they explore the city and eat brigadeiros until it makes them nauseous. There are festivals and street parades and so many pretty people that Cody feels entranced, hypnotized, though there's always one specific face in the back of his memory. 

He posts a ton of pictures on his Instagram, which provides him with a spam of angry messages from Kelsey who threatens to come beat his ass if he doesn’t stop having a too-good time here. Noel hasn’t sent any pictures, but it feels weird to send him a text asking him how he’s doing. 

He hooks up with a girl and doesn’t see her again. But there’s more food to eat and more drinks to drink and more parties to attend, so it doesn’t matter, and he’s never felt so free before, with Sam and Devon by his side, new friends that show him the best parts of the city. 

Spock posts a story one day, of a sunny boulevard lined with palm trees and Cody thinks his heart stops beating for a moment when he spots Noel on the far right. He screenshots the picture and zooms in, and Noel turns into a blurry, pixeled figure, but he’s _there_ and it feels like a relief. 

Kelsey’s messages come a day later:  
  


**Kelsey** | _1:34 pm  
_I think I saw Noel walking around here the other day?   
  


**Kelsey** | _1:35 pm  
_With that other dude, Spock?  
  


And it’s stupid because he should feel grateful to be in Rio, but he feels a sliver of jealousy at the fact that Kelsey is in LA, where Noel is walking around carelessly.

On their last day in Brazil, Cody awakes to a message from Noel. It’s a picture of him, standing on a bridge, a canal behind him, familiar-looking townhouses lining the streets, and it reads, _Went to Amsterdam. How’s Rio?_

His heart stops beating for a moment. Noel sent him a picture. Noel took the time and effort to send him a gods-damned vacation picture. It shouldn’t feel as special as it does, and Cody scolds himself, because _it’s just a fucking picture_. 

But it takes him thirty minutes to write a reply, one that feels balanced: not cold or distant, but not overly excited, either. 

Cody is sad to leave Brazil again, to have to say goodbye to their new-found friends, but he’s also eager to return home, because it means that seeing Noel again is only two more weeks away. 

His parents make him turn over every single detail of the past nine days. It feels like he’s giving a report, and he’s just glad that they’re not forcing him to make a Powerpoint for it. He has dinner with his family and his sister’s boyfriend, enjoys the last days together and then flies back to Durham. 

University is waiting for him. Another year of stress, sleep-deprivation and caffeine addiction, and it surprises him that he’s excited for it. 

Kelsey hugs him until he’s flat, and he smiles and hugs her back just as tight. 

The day before classes start, he’s heading towards Kelsey’s dorm when he spots Noel, walking with Cash. He throws his head back as he laughs, his hand pressing on his stomach, and it’s such a Noel-move that Cody suddenly doesn't remember how to breathe. 

Noel spots him a split second later, the smile broadening on his face. “Cody!” He yells across the lawn, and waves. They walk over to where he’s standing and Noel wraps his arm around his shoulder. “How’ve you been, man?” Cody almost forgets that he needs to reply. Especially as Noel pulls back a few inches to look at Cody’s hair (Sam convinced him to frost the tips) and tugs softly on a few of the strands. “I like your hair.” 

“Thanks,” Cody chokes out. He quickly regains his posture and plasters a grin on his face, “Rio was amazing. Life of the fucking party, dude. How was Amsterdam?” 

They continue their walk and Noel lets go of Cody. “Pictures don’t do it justice, forreal. It’s great. And also the weed.” 

He rolls his eyes at that, but starts laughing as he hears Noel grin. Mid-way through the conversation, Cash points to one of the dorm-buildings and takes his leave. Cody quickly shoots Kelsey a message that he’s delayed.

They talk about summer break, about the upcoming semester and Cody’s _maybe_ a little delighted to find out he has four of his classes with Noel. Their shoulders bump into each other as they walk and Cody has to restrain himself from grinning like a damned idiot. 

After a while, Noel looks at his phone and his eyes widen. “Oh fuck, I’m late. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Cody smiles as Noel walks away backwards and nods. 

“It’s good seeing you again, man!” He yells before he turns around and rushes past the dorms, out of Cody’s view. 

When he arrives at Kelsey’s dorm, he can’t wipe the grin off his face. He makes up some lame excuse about unpacking, but she’s his best friend, and she sees right through it. 

She pokes at his chest but isn’t actually mad. At last, the corners of her mouth quirk up as she says, “If you fall in love with someone, I want to be the first person to know.” 

Cody intertwines their fingers and sighs dramatically, “You’ll always be my number one, Kelsey Kreppel.” 

“As it should be,” she says with raised brows, and then she laughs. “But a shared first place is a first place, too.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Classes start again. The sliver of excitement Cody felt for the new year melts away like snow in the sun after only two days. 

Noel sits a few rows behind him with Cash, Cody sits next to Devon. He’d hoped they would sit together, but only feels slightly disappointed, because Noel throws crumpled balls of paper his way to get his attention, much to the annoyance of the people in the rows between them. Noel’s glare is enough to shut them up, and when he turns his gaze back to Cody, it’s so soft and eager that it makes his heart do somersaults.

“Didn’t you hate this guy?” Devon asks. 

“Not anymore,” he replies. 

Sometimes his screen lights up during the lectures, and he always knows it’s Noel. The topics shift from making fun of someone in the audience to talking about the fucking weather. 

And sometimes, he sends messages to which Cody’s not sure how to reply. 

**Noel** | _8:56 am  
_ _ I like your sweater. _

There’s a blush creeping onto his cheeks and he keeps his gaze fixed on his phone, not daring to shift a fraction of an inch out of fear that Noel will see his reaction. 

**Cody** | _ 8:59 pm  
Thanks. I stole it.  _

There’s a burst of laughter behind him, covered up by a cough. When he turns in his chair, Noel is looking at him with his lips pressed together to keep in a laugh. A few people glare at him, but he looks straight to Cody, the scowls ignored or simply forgotten. 

Cody starts sweating under his hoodie and turns back in his chair, releasing a shaky breath. 

“You good, man?” Devon asks, nudging him with his elbow. 

Cody clears his throat, but still not trusting his voice, he just nods. 

Noel catches up to him after class, laying a hand on his shoulder and exaggerating being out of breath. Cody snorts and jabs him in the side. 

“So, you going to Mason’s party this Friday?” Noel asks, his face the epitome of innocence. Barely eight words and they make Cody’s heart jump in his throat.

“Mason? Mason who?”

“Mason, Jason, whatever the fuck his name is. That rich dude who lives just off campus.” At Cody’s open-mouthed, oblivious stare, Noel huffs out an annoyed breath. “Come on, you know him! He’s like, on the swim-team, or whatever.” 

“Ooh, you mean James!”

Noel grabs the straps of his backpack and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, the name says it all.” 

“Well, I—” In all honesty, he wasn’t really planning on going, but when he sees the expectant look on Noel’s face, there’s no possibility of saying no. “Sure.” 

His face lights up. Cody wants to stare at him forever, wants to bottle up the feeling in his chest and get drunk on it every night. 

“Great! I’ll see you there?” Then he’s off to his next class and Cody stands in the middle of the hallway for a single moment, smiling to himself. 

* * *

He’s convinced Kelsey to come along, only to be left in the kitchen mere minutes after arriving (“I’ll be right back, just gonna say hi to some people.” That means,  _ I’ll see you in a few hours, don’t get too wasted in the meantime _ ). It’s fine—he spots some people from the swim team, they talk about the upcoming season and what they did during summer break. He’s wrapped up in a conversation about the swim team's new coach when someone slings an arm around his neck. 

He turns his head, his drink spilling over the rim as he does, and his face brightens as he meets Noel’s gaze.

“What’s up, man?”

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” he grins, moving away from the people he was just talking to, the conversation forgotten. Noel’s arm slips from his shoulders. 

“I’m fashionably late. Gotta make an entrance, y’know,” Noel replies, casually taking the drink out of Cody’s hand and taking a sip. Cody can’t help but stare at the glistening stain it leaves on Noel’s lips. “Hm, didn’t know you were a vodka cranberry type of guy.”

Cody tears his eyes off to meet Noel’s gaze. “Yeah,” he chokes out, “just drinking whatever they have.”

“Come on,” Noel drags Cody along to the kitchen, fingers tightening around his wrist to not lose him in the crowd. “We’re gonna get you an actual good drink.” 

It takes some searching around the cabinets, but Noel makes Hard Lemonades, and Cody laughs because he turns out to be just as much college girl as he is. 

They play beer pong against people Cody doesn’t know and win two rounds in a row (no thanks to him; their victories are all on Noel). Kelsey joins and they rearrange the teams, Cody and Kelsey against Noel and Cash, and it’s a lost cause because Kelsey is a lousy shot when she’s had a few, to not even get started on Cody.

He leans against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest as he watches Kelsey try to land the ping pong ball in one of Noel’s cups, and Noel cheers loudly when she misses. 

Cody’s cheeks hurt from smiling all through the night, and he’s never felt so happy before. 

* * *

As September turns to October, campus turns into a palette of orange, red and yellow. Summer leaves without goodbye and fall takes her place, bringing along dark mornings and early sunsets. Cody can feel his mood shift with the change of seasons; fall is beautiful but grim. 

He focuses on school and momentarily leaves the frat parties for what they are. Many other students seem to do the same, the last sparks that summer brought along burned out. 

Noel’s mood has changed as well, and Cody doesn’t really know what to think of it. He’s still his lighthearted and funny self, but there’s a certain weariness to his eyes. 

He still jokes around, though he’s been a little more distanced, lately. Cody calls it seasonal and labels it harmless, but keeps an eye on him nonetheless.

Then Noel doesn’t show up for class. Cody sends him a message asking if he’s okay, but doesn’t get a reply. The next day, Noel is absent as well.

Cody has a paper due tomorrow and he knows he should focus on finishing it, so he sends Noel one more text before he turns off his phone.

**  
Cody** | _9:41 pm  
_ hope you’re doing okay. Just wanna let you know that I’m here if you need me

  
It’s around eleven when there’s a knock on the door. Sam is with his girlfriend and Devon went to the store for milk, and Cody rolls his eyes as he walks over. They have keys, for fuck’s sake, what use is a key if you keep forgetting—

It’s Noel. 

His eyes are red-rimmed, hair ruffled like he just woke up from a nap. His army-green jacket and car keys are clenched in his hands. 

Cody wordlessly grabs his own coat and follows him out the door, no questions asked. His phone lays on the kitchen counter, shut off and forgotten in the moment. 

He sneaks careful glances at Noel, wondering what this is about, because he’s never seen Noel like this and he looks—he looks sad.  When they’re sitting in Noel’s car, he rests his hands on the wheel and looks ahead for a moment, chest rising and falling quickly.

“Noel?” Cody inclines his head. 

He snaps out of it and starts the car. “Yeah,” he mutters, more to himself than to Cody, “Yeah. You down for a drive?”

And Cody almost laughs, because he didn’t follow Noel all the way out here to just sit in the car and then head back inside after a few minutes, but Noel looks worried and somber and so  _ not _ Noel-like that Cody just nods. 

They drive in silence, dark landscapes zooming past. Cody doesn’t know where they’re going and doesn’t ask either, scared to disturb the peaceful quiet that has settled. 

Thirty minutes pass. Forty-five. Noel parks his car in a spot Cody doesn’t recognize and gets out, slamming the door shut behind him. Cody has no choice but to follow and realizes they’re on the hill overlooking Durham. The city seems far away, countless lights on the horizon flickering in the dark. 

Despite it being October, it’s a remarkably warm night. Noel opens the trunk and sits down in the back, feet hovering just above the ground. Cody sits down beside him. 

“Noel—” he starts, cutting himself off and starting again. “I’m here to listen. That’s all.” 

Noel briefly meets his gaze before he pulls out a joint and lights it. The smoke curls in the air, a sliver of grey against the pitch-black night. He hesitates, not knowing if Cody smokes or not, and takes another drag.

Whatever he’s going through, it’s really dragging him under, Cody thinks before he takes the joint from between Noel’s lips to lift it to his own. 

“I got into this huge fight with my mom,” Noel says after a long silence. “She’s really pissed at me. And not like last times, this—this is way worse. I let her yell at me for thirty minutes before I hung up.” 

Cody doesn’t speak, waiting for him to continue. 

“She sent me one more text. Don’t come home, it said. You’re not welcome here.” 

He doesn’t know what to say. Cody is afraid that whatever he wants to say will come out wrong and then Noel won’t ever want to tell him anything personal again. So he just chooses to say nothing. 

Fuck. If his mother ever said something like that to him, he’s not sure what he’d do. He’d go insane. 

“I’m gay,” Noel says quietly. “And she doesn’t know how to deal with that.” 

Cody is vaguely aware of his heart pumping in his chest as he lets Noel’s words sink in. 

After a long while, Cody softly says, “I’m really sorry.” Noel’s eyes are red, and Cody isn’t sure if it’s the weed or something else. “You should know that I—I’d never—”

“I know.”

Before he can think the better of it, he grabs Noel’s hand. They stare at the night sky, listening to the faint noise of cars honking and tires screeching in the distance of the city. Noel intertwines their fingers. 

“I see all of you, Noel.” Cody says. “And there’s not a single part I’d turn away from.” 

The gentle squeeze of his hand is answer enough. 

* * *

Noel sits next to Cody during their next lecture. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i just wanted to say thank you for all the support i've received so far, it means the world to me. to the people who have left sweet and excited comments: i always, always read them, and they mean more than i could possibly convey. here's to you, x


	8. Chapter 8

October is coming to its end, which means Halloween is approaching. Cody has never been a big fan, but there’s a buzz spreading around, excitement and anticipation, and it’s got everyone in a better mood. 

Cody and Noel hang out more often. Noel has taken a liking to Kelsey, which Cody thought would be good but turns out to be a disaster. 

He has that pumpkin spice latte (bullied into drinking it by not only Kelsey, but Noel too) and it’s not as bad as he thought, though he decides he prefers the caramel macchiato. 

(“You’re slowly turning him into a white college girl from the Midwest,” Noel says to Kelsey. “And what about it?” She replies.)

Noel has been doing better lately. His eyes are clearer, the grin on his face more often genuine. They don’t really talk about that night, but there’s barely a time when Cody is  _ not _ thinking about it. The softness of Noel’s hands. The gratitude in his eyes. The heat of his body close to his own. 

There are times when Noel texts him in the middle of the night. Cody changed his ringtone to the loudest one he could find after the first two times it happened. They are often doubtful, insecure messages, and they don’t talk about them the morning after, but Cody always replies. Always tries to chip the anxiety away, shard by shard. 

Cody is appointed captain of the swim team by their new coach. Kelsey drags Noel to his dorm and pops a bottle of champagne because _ “every win should be celebrated, how small they may be”  _ (she’s always the best at giving backhanded compliments, even if she’s being ironic). 

Then Halloween is around the corner and there are countless parties he’s invited to. He tries to convince Noel to come along, but to no avail. Noel has promised himself to cut the alcohol and weed for a little while, admitting that it made him anxious (“Like caffeine?” Cody had asked. “Like caffeine,” Noel affirmed.) He leaves it at that, wanting to give him the space he needs. 

Kelsey is up for it though, even if she’s offended that Cody refuses to dress up. 

Cody pities the fact that Noel didn’t want to come—this frat house is huge  _ and _ ugly, and he would’ve enjoyed making fun of it and everyone else here with him. 

He thinks about the Hard Lemonades from a few weeks ago as he knocks back a Jägermeister, the burn of it warming his throat. 

It’s like Noel has moved permanently into his mind. There’s barely a minute that passes without Cody thinking about him. 

More shots are pushed into his cold hands. He should not drink this much on a Thursday night, but a few drinks in and the thoughts evaporate. 

He’s squinting his eyes at his phone, trying to read whatever is on the screen. It’s just one big blurred image. His fingers shake as they hover above the keys. 

“I don’t hate him,” Kelsey says. Some irrelevant rapper’s music being blasted in the living room makes her inaudible. 

“What?” Cody looks up. 

“That I don’t hate him!” She yells above the music, pointing to his screen. “Noel!” 

Cody gives her a crooked grin and he follows the direction of her fingers. What was he doing on his phone again? Right, Kelsey was talking to him— “Me neither! I like him!” 

_ I like him. _ Understatement of the century. 

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” She yells again, moving closer to hear his reply. 

“He is!” Cody is practically beaming at the mention of Noel. “I like him a lot!” 

Kelsey pulls back for a moment and scans his face. She doesn’t know—he hasn’t told her, or at least he doesn’t think he did. But if there’s one person who deserves to know, it’s her. 

“I’m bisexual!” He shouts. He’s never said it out loud, and here, when no one can really hear it, it’s freeing to say. Still, there’s a rush of anxiety shooting through his veins at the vague realization that he’s told Kelsey. 

“I know!” She laughs after a moment. “I’m not blind, you idiot! You think I didn’t notice how you beam every time he’s around?” 

Cody blinks, willing the blurriness away. “So you don’t think it’s a sin?” 

Kelsey rolls her eyes. “The only sinning you’re doing is getting fucking shitfaced on a Thursday night.” 

Right. But it’s not important, because, “I’m bisexual!” Cody screams, and  _ fuck _ if it doesn’t feel good to say it. “And I’m in fucking love with someone!” 

She screams with laughter, the music swallowing the sound. “God, you’re hammered.” She points to the kitchen and yells something about water and—water, that sounds kind of good right now. Kelsey disappears in the crowd. 

Mere seconds later, there’s an arm around his shoulder. Well, that was fast, he thinks, but as he turns, it’s Noel. 

Noel Miller with his pretty eyes and impeccable jokes and perfect face. Noel Miller who is the love of his fucking life but is unreachable because he deserves so much more than Cody can give.

He has to do a double take—Noel is here?

Noel lets out a laugh. “What the fuck have you been drinking, dude?” His black t-shirt sits snug around his biceps and Cody stares at his arms for a little while longer before tearing his gaze off to look at Noel. 

“Why are you here?” He asks. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth, and he’s not sure if he’s speaking clearly. 

Noel seems to understand the question. “You kept texting me, man. Couldn’t  _ not _ show up after your spam.” 

Cody feels his cheeks heat. Kelsey returns with a solo cup full of cold water and he gratefully takes it from her hands, pressing it to his face.

“Noel! Didn’t know you’d come tonight!” 

“I wasn’t,” he says with a pointed look to the boy on the stool. “He didn’t leave me much of a choice.” 

After spilling half the cup on the ground, Noel pries it from Cody’s fingers and carefully makes him drink the rest of it. 

“You’re late,” Cody pouts. “You missed—wait, what time is it?” 

“Time for you to go home, princess,” Noel says. He pulls Cody to his feet despite the loud noises of protest. “Yeah, we are, c’mon.” 

Kelsey chuckles and nods to Noel. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Cody!” With a glance at his current state, she adds, “Or not.” 

Cody feels like a toddler being handled by his parent as Noel wraps his arm around his shoulder and commands him to  _ just fucking walk _ . 

“I can walk, okay,” Cody scoffs, “Chill, dude.” Noel just shakes his head and laughs to himself, muttering  _ left right left right _ in attempt to keep Cody’s steps even. “I don’t even know the difference between left and right.” 

“That’s because you’re drunk,” Noel amends. “How many drinks did you have, exactly?” 

“Can’t remember,” Cody mutters. “Why’d you come and get me?” 

Noel is quiet for a moment, arms tightening around Cody’s shoulders. “Because you have an important presentation tomorrow and you’re wasted, and you’d hate yourself tomorrow morning if you didn’t go home now. That’s why.” 

“Joke’s on you. I hate myself in the morning regardless.” 

Noel frowns. Why isn’t he laughing? It was a joke, why isn’t Noel laughing?

“I don’t hate you,” Noel says. 

It’s not like that’s something he didn’t know already, but the words still make Cody’s knees wobble. “Thank God,” he mumbles. 

It takes Cody too fucking long to recognize where they’re going—Noel’s dorm. He doesn’t object, though, as they take the elevator up, and Noel fumbles to get the keys out of his back pocket. 

Cody flops down on Noel’s bed. As Noel goes to grab a glass of water, he takes it upon himself to look around the dorm. He’s been here before, but he can’t remember much of it right now. The dorm isn’t that bad—he’s got a big bed, at least. That’s nice. 

Noel forces him to drink the water, then lets Cody lay down on the sheets that smell faintly of him. The cold air has cleared his mind a little, along with the water, but the ceiling is still spinning above him. 

“Where are you going?” Cody asks when Noel gets up, his tongue feeling like it’s in knots by how panicked the words come out. 

“I’ll let you sleep. You’ll need it.” 

“No, wait.” He gets up to his elbows. “I’ll—I’ll go to my own dorm, just… sleep in your own bed, please?” 

Noel seems to hesitate, but at the pleading look on Cody’s face, he gives in. “Fine. You sleep here, just—move over, please.” 

When they’re both laying in Noel’s bed, which suddenly feels small, Cody mumbles, “I love you, Noel.” 

He thinks he must’ve fallen asleep, but then— “I’m not an easy person to love, Cody.” 

“And yet I’m here, aren’t I?” Cody whispers, eyes closed as he curls up on his side. Noel lays on his back, hands clasped behind his head. 

He’s not sure if he imagines it, but right as he falls asleep, he swears he hears Noel murmur, “I love you, too, Cody.” 


	9. Chapter 9

Cody wakes up because there’s someone laying next to him. He opens his eyes and squints against the watery rays of sunshine peeking in through the blinds. His mouth feels parched and—

An arm wrapped around his waist tightens. Cody carefully turns. Noel is still fast asleep, it must’ve been a spasm, and Cody forgets how to breathe. 

Noel looks stunning, like he always does, but sleep has relaxed his face into softened features and his chest rises and falls steadily. Without thinking, Cody lets his fingers brush over his brow, eyelids fluttering at the touch. 

Then he’s overthrown with guilt and he jerks his hand back. He shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t have texted Noel last night. 

As carefully as he can, he untangles their limbs and snatches his jeans up from the floor. He closes the blinds completely and, keeping his fingers crossed to not come face to face with Cash, he opens the door and slips into the hallway. 

Cody’s head hurts like hell and he swears he’s never drinking that much again (well… at least not on a Thursday night). A glance at his phone tells him it’s eight in the morning. He drags himself to his own dorm, where Sam and Devon are still asleep, and tries to prepare for the presentation he has in three hours. 

But as he sits behind his desk, there’s no possibility of him focusing on school as the memories from last night flood his brain. 

_I love you, Noel._

_I’m not an easy person to love, Cody._

But also, _I love you too_. His heart is doing cartwheels in his chest. 

School, he reminds himself, but he can’t concentrate. Something has to change. It’s impossible to do anything when what he wants most is so close but still _just_ out of reach. Like his fingertips can brush past but never really grasp it. 

Cody takes some advil and chugs a glass of water. It almost shatters on the ground when from the depth of his memory comes a flash of Noel saying, _time for you to go home, princess_ (no doubt ironic, but still). Along comes the realization that he’s told Kelsey he’s bi. 

And she knew. 

He lets out a laugh and closes his eyes against the pulsating ache in his head. 

An hour passes where he only stares at his laptop, and two minutes to nine, there’s a knock on the door. 

Cody knows who it is before he opens the door. 

Noel looks… fresh, unlike him. He looks like he’s gotten an actual good night of sleep, also unlike him. He raises a brow at Cody’s gutted expression. 

“You shouldn’t leave like that, dude,” he says. “Had me worried that you were running ‘round campus naked, still wasted.” 

Cody can’t help but let out a laugh. “Yeah, sorry. I should’ve texted you. I just didn’t wanna wake you up.” 

Noel assesses Cody’s face for a second, then asks, “You wanna get some coffee?” 

He should be preparing for his presentation, but it’s a lost cause anyways. He nods and grabs his keys before following after Noel. 

They walk to a small cafe near the library in a comfortable silence, and Cody’s glad when they’re finally inside, shielded from the cold wind that’s raging around. 

“So,” Noel starts, rubbing his hands together to get the warmth back in them, “Are you ready for your presentation?” 

Cody is surprised he knows about it, but maybe he’s let it slip during a conversation. “Please,” he grumbles. “A presentation in this state? Fix me up with six cups of coffees and maybe, _maybe_ I’ll be good to go.” 

“Six coffees might be a bit much,” Noel says as he shoves back his chair, “but I can get you at least one.” 

Cody presses his lips together to keep in a smile as his eyes trail Noel walking to the counter. After ordering, Noel turns his head to their table and winks before turning back to the cashier. Cody’s cheeks burn. 

Noel returns with two steaming cups and sits down again. They don’t talk much—Cody stares at his coffee as he stirs it with a spoon, wishing it could drown him so he wouldn’t have to do a presentation in an hour, and Noel stares at Cody. 

Noel walks with him to the Research Center. The cold bites at their cheeks and Noel stuffs his hands in his pocket, glancing briefly at Cody. 

“So… you’re bisexual, huh?”

His heart drops as his head snaps to Noel. “I—wh—how—”

“Chill, dude,” Noel chuckles. “You were kind of screaming the words when I arrived yesterday.” 

Oh, fuck him. “Jesus Christ. Please never allow me to drink that much ever again.” His cheeks flush. 

Noel laughs. “Agreed. Not that I minded being on babysitting duty, but you just gotta take better care of yourself, man.” Cody doesn’t know what to say to that, really. After a moment of contemplation, Noel says, “I just hope—I just hope that you didn’t _not_ tell me because you felt like you couldn’t trust me.”

Cody looks at him. “If there’s one person on this entire planet I trust, it’s you, dude.” Noel seems to release a relieved breath at that. “I wanted to tell you, but I… I still had to work it all out myself. A few shots helped with that, apparently.” 

Noel laughs again. Cody wants him to never stop. The sound fades in the wind. 

Right before they reach the RC, Noel says, “Just know that I won’t ever judge you. And that I’m really excited to meet them, whenever you’re ready to show me.” 

“What?”

“You were yelling about being in love, and—”

Cody groans. “Oh my god, please stop. Remembering it all this morning was bad enough, but you reminding me of all the dumb shit I did is a different kind of torture.” He hopes it’s not too obvious that his cheeks are slowly starting to match the color of a tomato. 

“Right,” Noel says, laughing it off, but he’s unable to conceal the lost look on his face. Cody wants to take back the words, wants to yell, _it’s you, you fucking idiot_ , but he doesn’t. 

He glances at his phone. “I should go. Got five minutes left.” 

Noel slowly nods. “Yeah. Good luck, don’t throw up, just text me if you need another coffee!” He says as he walks backwards, zipping up his jacket. 

“Thanks, babe! Love you, bye!” He calls over his shoulder, not realizing what he said until he’s inside. Afraid to turn and see if Noel is still standing there, he walks on until the door is out of sight. 

Then he freezes, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his hands to his face. _Idiot_ , he scolds himself _, I’m such a fucking idiot_. Sleep deprivation, a massive hangover, migraines and a shit ton of nerves prove to be the worst combination possible. If Noel hadn’t known he was in love with him before, he certainly does now. 

It wouldn’t surprise him if Noel was busy blocking his phone number right this moment. He should fix this, but—he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

Shutting off his thoughts, he presses the elevator button and waits impatiently for the doors to open. _I’ll fix it. I always do._

* * *

It’s the biggest relief he’s ever felt when Noel doesn’t mention it over text. He just asks how his presentation went, no angry or accusing tone. 

Noel doesn’t say anything about it on Monday either. Cody comes to the realization:

  1. Either Noel didn’t hear it, or
  2. He chose to ignore it, and
  3. Cody isn’t sure which of the two he’d prefer. 



The week goes on, Halloween is officially over (thank fuck) and it gets colder by the day. The weather forecast predicts snow before the end of the week, which Cody is kind of excited for, and Noel is far from that.

Cody has developed a talent for knowing when Noel is having a depressive episode. It’s been a bad week for him, so Cody sits with him in the library and gets him decaf from the corner cafe and doesn’t ask any questions, just hopes that his presence is somewhat helpful, even if he’s just Cody. 

The first snow starts falling on Friday night. Cody feels a certain type of giddiness in his chest that reminds him of home and he watches as campus gets covered in a layer of white. 

When he wakes up on Saturday, most of the snow has been trampled, but it’s supposed to be snowing again tonight, so it’s fine. He politely declines Sam and Devon’s offer to come along to a party later and finds himself alone in his dorm by the time the sky has turned dark.   
  


**Noel** | _9:17 pm  
_you going out tonight?  
  


**Cody** | _9:19 pm  
_ nah, if I even smell alcohol rn I will start throwing up   
  


**Noel** | _9:19 pm  
_ you busy?  
  


**Cody** | _9:20 pm  
_ nope, just at home.  
  


**Cody** | _9:21 pm  
_ everything okay?  
  


**Noel** | _9:23 pm  
_ yeah, it’s fine, nvm  
  


Of course it’s not fine, otherwise he wouldn’t have texted, for fuck’s sake. With a sigh, Cody pulls on his shoes and an extra hoodie under his coat before he heads out. 

What’s left of the snow crunches under his converse. It’s quiet on campus, most people staying inside to evade the cold, others already at parties that must be in full swing by now. Only a few people walk around, huddled in their jackets and wrapped in scarves, probably on their way home or making a quick trip to the store. 

He knocks twice on door number 3.24. Noel’s eyes widen as he opens the door. “Oh. Hey, man.”

Noel looks… not good. There are bluish bags under his eyes and he looks sickly pale. Cody’s stomach lurches at the sight and he walks after Noel into his dorm. Cash isn’t here. 

“Why’re you here?” Noel asks, “Is everything okay?” 

“No.” Cody says resolutely. “No, not everything is okay. _You’re_ not doing fine and you can’t just text shit like that and then brush it off.” 

“Who decided that I’m not doing fine?” Noel folds his arms in front of his chest. 

“I did! I _know_ you, man.” Cody did not expect the conversation to go like this, didn’t expect to start yelling as soon as he crossed the doorpost, and from the looks of it, Noel didn’t either. But Noel didn’t expect him to show up at all, and now he just looks agitated. 

“What does it matter to you?” Noel snaps. He’s probably not angry at him, but the words still sting. _Are we not friends? Do the last ten months mean nothing to you?_

Cody wants to rip out his hair and scream. He has never met someone as oblivious as Noel. “It matters to me because I care, okay! It matters to me because I fucking _love_ you and you can’t just expect me to turn away when you’re having a hard time! Maybe other people do but I don’t and I _refuse_ to ever do it!” 

He’s talked so fast that he’s slightly panting. Noel is staring at him with wide eyes, irises glimmering in the shitty dorm light. 

Cody lets out a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. In a calmer tone, he continues, “Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but… it’s clear to me that you’re dealing with some shit and I just want to make sure you take care of yourself.” _Déjà vu._

Noel’s almost imperceptible nod is the only sign that he’s heard what Cody said. He isn’t sure if Noel is even breathing. 

“I just… I just want to help, okay?” 

“I know,” Noel croaks. “I know you mean well.”

Cody lets out a long sigh and drags a hand through his hair, glancing to the box of cereal and empty gallon of milk on the counter. “You look like you haven’t eaten all day. I can go to the store, or we can order some food, but I’m not letting you be alone and miserable on this tragic Saturday night.”

Noel releases a breathy laugh, a careful sound, but it’s there. “We can go to the store together. It’s fine. And I wouldn’t mind the company.” 

Five minutes later, two pairs of feet crunch through the icy snow, and Cody damns himself for pulling on his all-stars because his feet are fucking freezing. Their breaths cloud in front of them, reminding Cody of that night months ago, when it was just the two of them and a sleeping city at one in the morning. 

Noel opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. Cody gives him a sidelong glance and says, “If you need to talk, I’m here to listen.” 

“I know,” Noel murmurs. “It’s just—I’m really glad you’re here, Cody.” 

Cody gives him a small smile, grabbing his hand to squeeze it gently. “Always.”

But when Cody makes to move away his hand, Noel’s fingers tighten around his, and his heart is doing those stupid flips again as Noel intertwines their fingers. 

Noel stops walking. No choice but to stop as well now that they’re holding hands, Cody turns, staggering on his feet as Noel tugs softly on his arm (or did he imagine that?) and then he’s standing so close that he can count the fading freckles on Noel’s nose. Before he can ask if he’s okay, Noel speaks up, “I was just angry back there because you were right. I’m not fine, and it’s exhausting to pretend that I am.” 

Noel peers up to the sky. Cody patiently waits for him to continue. 

“There’s—there’s this weight on my chest and sometimes it feels like it’s pressing in on me,” he goes on in a raspy voice, “but then you’re there, and when I see you, it’s like that weight becomes a bit more bearable.” His eyes finally meet Cody’s, so many unspoken feelings and emotions there that it’s nearly heart-wrenching. Noel breathes, “Cody—”

He squeezes Cody’s hand. The intensity of Noel’s gaze sears through him, and he’s so close, so close that he can see the green in Noel’s brown eyes, and—

His lips brush past Noel’s. 

He’s pretty sure he freezes, but then he melts into the kiss. Cody’s head short-circuits before it shuts down entirely—he can exactly pinpoint since when he wanted Noel to kiss him, and it’s been _months_. 

After a long, too-short moment, Noel carefully pulls back, still not letting go of Cody’s hand. 

“About time,” Cody whispers, his voice hoarse. 

Noel throws his head back and laughs. “Maybe I should just do it again, then.” 

It occurs to Cody that this feeling comes as natural as breathing to him as Noel leans in again, lips just as soft as he’d imagined them to be, and he lets go of Noel’s hand to twine his fingers in his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. 

It starts snowing. 

Noel kisses Cody on a Saturday night in November, and it’s the happiest he’s ever felt. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Oh gods,” Kelsey says the second Cody sits down at their table, “That’s your ‘ _ I did something bad’- _ face, isn’t it?” 

Cody rolls his eyes as he shrugs off his jacket. “Hello to you too. Or we could start with a,  _ thank you for getting me coffee, Cody _ .” 

“Boring,” she replies. Her rings clink against the ceramic as she picks up the mug. “What did you do? You look… weird.”

Cody snorts, shaking his head. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” But he can’t keep the grin from his face as he thinks of Saturday night, of Noel and the gentle-turned-hungry kisses, of the callouses of his hands scraping along his skin. 

“Well? Out with it.” 

“You’re really ruining the moment, you know that?” 

Kelsey’s eyes widen. “You got someone pregnant, for real this time?” 

“What? No!” Cody calls out. “Noel and I kissed.”

She stares at him for a long second before a grin cracks on her face. “You did  _ not _ .” 

Cody lets his arms rest on the table, careful not to knock anything over. “We did,” he amends. 

“Took him long enough.” 

He laughs. “That’s what I told him. He agreed.”

“So are you two a thing now, or what?” 

Cody shrugs. “I don’t know. Nothing official yet, but… he made it clear he has no intentions of hiding it. Us.” 

Kelsey can barely contain her grin. “That’s so fucking cute. I’m so happy for you, holy shit, Cody!” 

Cody tells a little about Saturday night, but keeps the details for himself. It feels so new, so fresh, and still so unreal. He’s scared that he’s going to wake up tomorrow and have it all turn out to be a dream. 

“Have you told your parents about him?” She asks at some point. 

Cody shakes his head, teeth sinking into his lower lip. “They know who Noel is, but they don’t know the specifics. As far as they know, he's just a friend.”

She reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “I’m sure that they’ll be delighted to hear about it when you’re ready to tell them.” 

“Thanks, Kels.” The words mean a lot, especially coming from someone who knows his parents quite well. His phone buzzes beside his half-empty mug. “Noel asks if he can stop by. Is that okay?” 

Kelsey wiggles her brows. “Why wouldn’t it be?” 

He’s probably going to regret this, he thinks as he sends a reply to Noel. A few minutes later, a familiar figure walks past one of the windows. 

“So, is he a good kisser?” Kelsey asks nonchalantly, leaning back in her chair. 

Cody shoots her daggers with his eyes. “Here’s a hint: I’m not telling you.” 

“Jeez,” she laughs, raising her hands in defense, “sorry. Didn’t know you’d get angry.”

Noel flashes Cody a questioning glance as he approaches, shaking the snow from his shoulders. Cody dips his chin slightly, and Noel lets out a relieved breath before he gives him a quick kiss.  Kelsey raises a single brow to Cody and presses her lips together to keep in a laugh. 

Noel sits down on one of the empty chairs and Cody leans over to brush the few lost snowflakes from Noel’s hair. 

“Welcome to the family, Noel,” Kelsey says with a soft smile. 

Noel looks like they might be the prettiest words he’s ever heard. 

* * *

November turns to December. It’s freezing outside, making it almost unbearable to even walk across campus (except, of course, when you’re walking hand in hand with the most beautiful person in the world). 

As finals approach, Cody and Noel spend most of their time together studying (emphasize on  _ studying _ ). Noel smiles a lot more, despite the stress and pressure of college, despite the rough nights he has every now and then. Cody is always there to kiss away the tears and hold him closer. 

Christmas is hard for him—Cody knows that. It’s like a shadow looming on the horizon, inching closer by the day, and it hurts him, too, that Noel loathes the idea of a holiday so much. But Cody knows it is because he has to spend it on campus, like he did last year.

The finals pass in a frenzy of stress and caffeine and kissing. Cody has a long phone call with his parents.

Sam is the first to leave, Devon following shortly after. His flight doesn’t get cancelled this time, so he hops on the first plane home with a grin (“It’ll probably storm there, though, but whatever.”). Rather a snow storm at home than a snow storm here, where you can’t go any-fucking-where. 

Noel watches as Spock and Cash leave campus, his eyes a bit emptier every time he has to wave until they’re out of sight. 

He nearly cries when Cody tells him he’s booked two plane tickets to Calgary and then nearly refuses to come along. (“I can’t do that, Cody. It’s  _ your _ family,  _ your _ Christmas. You don’t have to pity me.” “Oh, shut up, idiot. I quote my mom when I say  _ the more the merrier _ , and I’m not leaving you behind in this hell-hole for two weeks.”)

Kelsey drives with them to the airport, she’s late for her flight and they’re early for theirs, so she presses a kiss to both Cody and Noel’s cheeks before leaving with a hurried _‘bye!’._

Noel falls asleep on Cody’s shoulder during the flight and Cody stares at him and their intertwined fingers, wondering how the hell he got so lucky. 

The sorrowful bit of snow from Durham is nothing compared to the endless snowbanks and mountains from Calgary. 

They take an uber to Cody’s house and during the ride, Noel admits that he feels like he’s intruding. That he feels like he’s betraying his family, even if they betrayed him first. That it’s going to take some time getting used to this. 

Cody understands that. He hasn’t told his parents exactly who Noel is to him, but he knows they’ll accept him for who he is and who he chooses to love regardless. He can’t imagine what it’s like for Noel.

He didn’t explicitly say it, but Cody knows that Noel needs to be fully comfortable in their relationship first, with himself and with Cody, before he can be comfortable with it around others. Cody gets that, and so they agreed to keep _them_ to themselves, at least for the next two weeks. The least he can do is give Noel the space he needs during their stay. 

Then they’re standing in front of Cody’s house, ankle-deep in the snow, duffel bags in hand. Noel looks up to the windows on the first floor. 

“So this is where you grew up?” 

“This is where I grew up,” Cody affirms. “It’s cold as balls out here. Let’s go inside.” 

When Noel seems to hesitate, Cody inclines his head. “Remember what I said on the plane about it not mattering whether you’re related to someone to be family?” Noel meets Cody’s gaze and nods. “You get to choose your own family. You get to love who you want to love.” 

Cody stretches out his hand. 

“You’ll be alright, Noel.” Cody’s breath forms little pluses of smoke as he speaks. “We’ll be alright.” 

At last, Noel grabs Cody’s hand and intertwines their fingers. They enter the house, the sudden heat making their cold fingers hurt as Cody yells a  _ we’re home _ through the hallway. 

Cody doesn’t see how Noel stares at his face, and he doesn’t know that there’s only one thought in his head as he does: that meeting Cody is the best thing that’s ever happened to him and that after years of wandering alone, he finally feels like he’s home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are. chapter 10/10 !!!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed reading this, thank you so much for the kind messages & the kudos. your support means the world.  
> leave a comment or come talk to me on tumblr or tumblr (@sundaycore) ღ


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